Last week I called up my mother who is staying with my brother just some kms away. I told her that I was attending a two day workshop this week and asked her if she would come and stay here for the two days as the workshop was full day and I would be home late. I thought I was making a request. My mother took some time to answer and there was some thinking going on from her side. When I did not get an immediate response from her, I reacted. I told her that I had expressed a need and she was taking so much time to reply.
What I thought of as a request was actually a demand disguised as a request. If it had been a request I would have given her time to think and get back but I did not do that. Though I used,'If you can', it was out of an expectation that she should.
And was I really expressing my need.. my need was of support and what I had expressed was a want..(that she should come and stay here)
How many times in a day do we do this?
How many times are our requests actually demands?
Next time you think that you are making a request just check with yourself as to how open are you to take a 'No' for an answer.
What I thought of as a request was actually a demand disguised as a request. If it had been a request I would have given her time to think and get back but I did not do that. Though I used,'If you can', it was out of an expectation that she should.
And was I really expressing my need.. my need was of support and what I had expressed was a want..(that she should come and stay here)
How many times in a day do we do this?
How many times are our requests actually demands?
Next time you think that you are making a request just check with yourself as to how open are you to take a 'No' for an answer.
Whats the harm in demanding - I replace demand with clarifying expectations without expectations.
ReplyDeleteIf I need you to come and help me - whats the harm in demanding form you? You may not fulfil it :)
yes, no harm in demanding. When I disguise the demand as a request, I am not being authentic in my conversation. Sometimes we play this game where we are not open with our needs but want the other person to understand us.
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