Beliefs...

All my actions are coming from a belief. How can I understand the core belief I am working from.
One of my friends shared how she was getting upset with her son, if he did not wash his hands as soon as he came in. What is the belief one may be operating from?

• Belief with regard to self
• Belief with regard to others
• Belief in general

Here, what would be the belief with regard to oneself:

• I am not efficient when the house is not spic and span
• I am the only one who knows how to keep the house clean
• I am not efficient or good enough if I cannot make my child listen to me

Belief with regard to the child:

• He does not care
• He does not know how to keep the house clean

Belief in general

• Children have to be told what to do

hmmmm.... Interesting... thinking...

Writing and Listening..

It has been two years since I started blogging. Thanks to Anjali my friend, who encouraged me to put my thoughts down. She said that it would help me clarify my thoughts when I put it down. On the lighter side I think, she just wanted me to stop boring her with my blabberings :-)) well! it worked.
I had no clue where to start or how to start but I started and now I enjoy putting down my thoughts, feelings, experiences. It brings clarity to my thoughts.. it creates more confusion at times. Now, people have the choice to read or not to read... comment or not to comment with no pressure on them. A big opportunity for me to be quiet and not use every person I meet to share my thoughts with :-))
Last few weeks have been on skype meetings where group of people meet, share, laugh etc etc. Being on skype it is not very easy for me to share my thoughts or come in between when a discussion is going on. It also takes lot of effort to hear what is going on as the audio is not very clear. In the beginning it was frustrating for me but then, I realised that it was an opportunity for me to learn. Without having any thoughts of mine just to listen to other's perspectives was an opportunity.
Now, when I listen my mind is clear of thoughts... trying to absorb what others are saying and sharing. I am learning to be in 'Silence'. Maybe too big a word.. but enjoying the process of writing and listening and less talking :-))

Judgements....

Judgements is another word for Belief. How interesting? When I have a belief about myself it is a judgement I am making about myself.
When I am judging myself, how can I grow?
When I am judging myself how can I not pass judgements on to the children/others
When I am judging myself I am stopping myself and children/others from moving forward
Can I take judgements about myself and others as just a point of view?
When I resist a judgement I am giving power to the judgement instead I take it as an interesting point of view then there is no power in it at all. It takes enormous energy to judge oneself and others.
When I keep working on myself, I do away with my judgements, things change around me.

Opening or Closing a window..

Friend, there’s a window that opens from heart to heart
And there are ways of closing it . . .
—Rumi 
I read this quote in the morning and really liked it .. somewhere it reminded me of my earlier blog on connecting to people.What does it really mean?
Connecting from the heart with the openness to understand others than make them do what we want them to do. When my agenda is to only get what I want then my behaviour would be different.
How would I behave if my intention is to just connect to understand.... ????????

Acknowledging Feelings...

Varsha was all ready to go down and play with her friends and one phone call changed everything. Her friends said that they will be coming down with their cycles. Varsha's cycle has been under repair for sometime. We don't have a cycle repair shop in immediate vicinity and so we have been cool about it.
Our conversation went on like this:
V: I want to go with my cycle
Me : The brakes are not working.
V: No! I am taking it down
Me: Allright
V: There is no air and brakes are not working. You never get it repaired (crying)
Me: Would you like to take your skates
V: You are bad! Skates are noisy and old. They move slowly. All my friends will be going fast and I will be alone.
Me: hmmmm...
V : You don't want me to have friends. You want me to be alone (crying.. shouting)
Me: You are very upset. Your cycle is not working and you will feel alone when you go down to play.
V: Yes! Can't you see that? What will I do?
Me: I wish I had a repair shop just next door and I could get your cycle repaired. I  know it is upsetting for you  that we keep telling you that we would get it repaired but it still has not happened.
In all this I was sitting next to her..giving her full attention .. I did not stop her from crying.
Me: Would you like me to talk to Appa and check out if we can find a cycle shop nearby.
V: Yes ! I will talk to him
She called him up and spoke to him. She had calmed down a bit though sobbing, the shouting had stopped.
She then called up her friend.
V: I cannot come down. My cycle is not working
F: It is ok varsha.. we will play running catching.
V: No, Krishna it is ok.. you have not cycled for a long time.. you cycle
They spoke for sometime
After keeping the phone
V : Krishna is so kind na
And she went off to play.

Coming in too soon...

Varun likes cricket and has been religiously following IPL. He was excited and happy that his fav team CSK was in finals. There being no TV (phase) at home, he went to watch it in the Amphitheatre where it was being screened in our campus. He came back after his team had batted satisfied with the score. He did not want to see the rest of the match as he was feeling anxious about it.
He got up very early in the morning and ran to the door to get the newspaper. And what he saw pulled him down, his favourite team had lost. He said,' Ma CSK lost' and just sat down.
I knew he was feeling bad about it. I said,' Varun it is okay. I think you are too much into winning and losing. It is just a game. You should just enjoy the process'. 'OOPS!' I did it again. I bit my tongue and kept quiet.
After almost three or four minutes of silence, I said,' You must be disappointed. Your team had come so close to winning'. He replied with a yes and then silence. I let it be.
After half an hour, he came to me and started sharing his thoughts.
'I think they will win next time. They have always been able to be in top four' etc etc. This time I just listened :-)

I like the way....

Have just started reading a book called,' Choice Words' by Peter Johnston. I have got stuck with one of the examples shared in the book. The example is about how the teacher facilitates the child in understanding a word and ends with the statement,' I like the way you figured it out'.
The author added that this comment of the teacher attributes the accomplishment entirely to the student. He goes further and says that this statement offers the student a retrospective narrative about the event in which he/she stars as the successful protagonist.
Hmm... I am not really sure about this. If I tell my child,' I like the way you behaved yourself in front of the guests today'. What does it really imply? Would the child tell himself, 'Oh! I did a great job' or would he go back thinking,' Okay my mom is happy when I do this'.
Maybe when I am talking about a child's work, I can say,' I like the orange flower with the smiley face and the blue river'. Here, I am not talking about the child's work but what personally I like about it. Instead if I say,' I like the way you have drawn within the borders' would it amount to a external praise where the child feels I am doing something right and my mother likes it this way... this way only.
When my objective is that the child takes pride in what he is doing, where is this 'I' coming from. Is it coming from a belief that I as an adult am making you aware?
How would it different if I change the earlier statement to,' It is interesting to see how you figured out this problem'. There is no ' I ' anywhere and the child is able to take in his/her achievement.
Hmmmmmmm..... still thinking :-))

Call of the Wild...

Watched the movie with Varsha. While watching we laughed, almost cried, felt anger, sadness, questioned the happenings. In the morning, Varsha was searching the book for the part where one of the characters gets killed. She was questioning his death .. she said it did not make any sense as he was a good man and there was no need for him to die. Acknowledged and left her with her thoughts.....

Opportunity..

Varsha has a book called,'Call of the wild' by Jack London this year (3rd standard). We thought we will check out what the story is about. She wanted me to read out the story. The story is about Buck (dog) and his journey with all twists and turns. It started with how he was kidnapped and then went to how he was beaten up etc and all this was in lot of details. I was feeling very uncomfortable reading the passages where he was being beaten up and how other dogs mauled one of the dogs etc. First thought which came to me was that

•  this was not an appropriate book for a 8yr old and how could the school prescribe such a book. 
• If I am uncomfortable reading it, how would an 8yr old feel about this.

I got stuck with this thought and found that Varsha was listening to the story with interest. I realised that it was 'ME' who was feeling all this because I did not like the gory details, at the same time I questioned myself,' Was I  focusing only on one aspect of the story and not even looking at the other things the story has to offer?'

I was working from certain beliefs :

• I  am uncomfortable reading such material as these kind of reading is not appropriate (it has to do with me and who says so)
• Child of 8yrs should not be exposed to certain kinds of content (who says so)
• They are not capable of processing it (is that really true?)

The awareness that I was working with the underlying belief that 'I know the best for my child' helped me to relax and as I kept reading the story, I found  that the story was also about the human and animal relationship, how the dog was surviving by being flexible, how he was able to understand things around him and work on it.

AHA! Now, it looked more like an opportunity for me and  my child to learn about different relationships, about being adaptable, about different worlds that exist, about different characteristics humans and animals possess.

Wow! there is so much to learn from this story. Here I was focusing on just one part of the story and making a mountain of a molehill.

I am not going to limit myself with my beliefs but look at the opportunity of learning something more. There may be still certain parts of the story which bring about an uncomfortable feeling but I can accept it as part of  who I am and still move forward.

Change your behaviour

Varsha  had been with her video game for sometime and I was busy in the kitchen. I called out to her and told her that she should switch off the video game as it had been a long time.
She got irritated and told me,' You need to change your behaviour'
hmmmm.........

Limited way of looking at things...

Yesterday evening Varsha and her friends came running to me and told me to protect them. It was funny to see them huffing and puffing at the same time they seemed scared. Their explanation was that one of their friends had become angry with them and left their game and they saw her coming back with her Grandmother.
These children assumed that she had brought her Grandma to scold them and they all ran away.
The children started talking about how they had seen her scold other children etc. This discussion went on for sometime till the phone rang.
It was the same girl who had come with her Grandma. She explained that their post box in the lobby had been open, so she had called her Grandma to close it and it was not what they had imagined. And before she could explain it to them, they had all run away.
These children heaved a sigh of relief and found it funny that they had interpreted the whole situation in a wrong way. Even after this, there were one or two of them who refused to go by the explanation and still held on to the thought that the friend had brought her Grandma to scold them.
Looking at them I realised that there were so many times where I would be thinking something about someone and find many events which support my theory. Even when there is enough evidence against it.
In one of the workshops I attended, one participant shared that no one liked her. In one of the activities the facilitator was helping her out, when we were sharing our reflections, she suddenly stated her thoughts that the facilitator did not like her. When asked how she had come to that conclusion, she shared that she had noticed the facilitator was not looking at her at all when she spoke and would look at everyone else but her. When the facilitator sat with her with the activity she realised that her thinking may not be totally true. If the facilitator had not done what she did, the participant would have gone back with another experience and reinforcement of her thought that 'No one likes her'
We seem to be limited in the way we look at things. We start with a thought and then keep stacking every experience we have like one coin on the other on that thought .. reinforcing it and believing it to be true. When these thoughts help me to grow and look at things which foster hope, it would be beneficial, but when these thoughts limit me and not allow me to go further it can be detrimental.
One small step where we can start  to avoid this happening would be to be aware of our thought and question it. Maybe then things will change a little :-)

Learning chess..

 
Varsha played chess with her friends at the club a few days back and found it interesting. She also saw her brother playing and expressed that she liked chess. She kept pestering her dad to play with her. He was very happy that she was showing interest and told her that he would sit with her.
She remembered that there was a chess game on his computer and insisted on playing that. The computer was switched on ..she started playing. Fortunately /unfortunately the computer clearly highlighted how each piece moved. Her father wanting to teach her the proper method tried to explain but she was not listening. She was just enjoying moving the pieces and wanted to keep cutting the opponents pieces. It was frustrating for her father as he tried to explain and then he gave up. She happily continued playing her way.
As parents we feel excited when our children take interest in something and immediately want to come in giving our inputs as to how they should go about it. One parent shared in a session how her child showed interest in puzzles and they bought him some. He was excited when he started but lost interest as soon as the parent came in telling him how to go about doing it. She shared that the moment they would talk about doing puzzles he would run away.
I have observed with my children that they seem to learn more quickly and with enjoyment when they are going through the process of learning with their friends. Varun used to think that he could not play badminton, he started going with his friends and now enjoys the game. He often says that he feels proud of himself that he has improved and is able to play much better now.
hmmmm... my learning... my way..

Fuzzies..

Today my learning,' It feels nice to be acknowledged for the work we do'. I work with the belief that I do because I enjoy doing something.  I tell myself that till the people close to me find 'value' in what I do, it does not really matter if others acknowledge or not. When I work with this belief it helps me to move on without analysing things too much and yes sometimes it makes me uncomfortable to hear people say nice things about me.
Today was bit of a surprise for me. In the morning I met up with a friend who thought I could help her out with something she was working on. She also specifically mentioned about how my session was helping her. It was a  small thing but I felt thrilled that what I had shared had made sense to someone.
I came back home and had a conversation with a person with whom I have been working for a long time. I had never really thought that my work had been observed in so much detail. It came as a surprise to me to hear all that was said about me. It made me feel 'valued'.
To add to all this, one of my friends who stays in another part of the world mentioned how her friend had liked the article which I had written (the first one ) that she had taken a print out and stuck it on her wall. I realised that even if one person found value in what I did and what I thought, it made sense to go on doing what I am doing.
Did all this affect my self esteem? No, it did not but it definitely helped to understand that it was allright to feel happy when someone talks nice about you, to accept it with humility. Also that we all have a basic need to be acknowledged though we may deny it based on certain beliefs we carry with us.
There is an interesting tale written by Claude Steiner http://www.originalwarmfuzzies.com/tale.htm . Hopefully we can do the same and give fuzzies to everyone around us freely without any conditions attached and accept that we all need fuzzies to grow into warm human beings.

Feelings..

I keep telling my children and myself that we choose how we feel. The situation is not in our control but what we think and feel is in our control. Easier said than done !
I have been working on this constantly where people respond in a certain way and I tell myself that it is upto to me to feel what I feel. Lots of times it works because I just get aware of my thought and turn it around as to suit me. I have had some people who are close to me say things like,' You may have certain things in mind but it is very difficult and it might not be possible.' At the moment it seems very discouraging, as I get the thought that this person does not want me to succeed and the feeling pulls me down. The thought and the feelings which come with it is not something helping me to grow. So, I tell myself that the person is really concerned that I should do well and is worried for me and is just making me ready for the worst :-) Actually it makes a difference when I think this way as I am able to be normal with the person next time I meet.
Lot of people say that this is just rationalising the situation. Maybe so ! I am at peace with myself. Am I able to do this with everyone?
I realised that this is not working with some people. I am still left with the unpleasant feeling. At times it makes me think whether I am doing enough to come out of the feeling or is it that I am actually enjoying being in that feeling or is it that the person does want me to feel a certain way and I go along with it.
It is interesting how I am aware of the feelings and having the choice to work on it, I still make the choice of feeling in a certain way which makes me feel like 'I have been wronged/ I am a victim'. Maybe this is the pay off I get by making this choice' self pity', 'sympathy'. Hmm..
At the same time there are certain feelings which keep coming back to us through different events, different people and everytime I get that feeling it stops my personal growth. I become defensive about myself and feel the need to prove something.
It is also possible that some feelings are so deep seated that the events and what people say or do just act as reinforcements to the feelings and the beliefs that I carry about myself, others and the world. Becoming aware of the events, the feelings and then working on the beliefs can change things around.
Am working on it...... :-)

'I can... '

Yesterday before I started a session with forty participants I challenged myself and decided that I wanted to remember all the names of the participants. I just told myself that 'I can remember all the names'. We had done this exercise in a workshop where we were supposed to remember the names of our co-participants. At that time there were seventy of us and most of us did manage to do it. So, this was something which I wanted to test out for myself if I could really do it.
It was amazing for me when I was able to remember every single name and even though they changed their position to confuse me:-) I could get their names correctly. It was 'awesome' as my children would put it.
It helped me to  immediately connect with the audience and I actually felt quite at home and comfortable there.
It was a very enjoyable learning experience for me.

'I am'

Just finished watching this movie 'I am' by Tom Shadyac. Click here to watch 'I am'  Some of the things which I liked :

• we are all connected and it is our perception that we are all separate
• what we do and do not do affects not just us but everything around us (the power of one)
• even a tiny act of ours ..the way we respond to others, the way we greet everything matters
• be the change you want to see around you
• somewhere we are lost in the concept of competition but it is actually cooperation all around us. We get what we are looking for (our perceptions)

Names and Marriage

Yesterday night when I was putting Varsha to sleep she suddenly started talking about 'names'. She started by asking me,'Mummy what is my grandmothers' full name?'
I told her and she said,' Appa's name is Parthasarathy..he should have his father's name too with it like I am Varsha Parthasarathy'.
I told her that he too had. Then she asked me why I am not having my father's name and why was I using Appa's name. I told her that it was a choice we make and at that time I had not thought too much about it and it just happened.
She said that when she gets married she would keep her dad's name as she loved him very much :-)
Then she started talking about marriage and was telling me that she wanted to marry so and so and I asked,' why do you want to marry?'
Her immediate reply was,' Because I do not want to alone'
She also said, 'Friends are there but they don't live with you. I want company and anyway you and Appa got married so I also want to' saying this she hugged me tight and went to sleep leaving me with my thoughts.

Connect..

How do I connect? No! not to the internet but with everyone and everything I come across. This question has been on my mind for a long time.
I meet so many people everyday; the security guard who gives me a smile when I walk across him, the acknowledgement of the conductor of the bus who has noticed that I am the only one in the bus getting down in the last stop  and I could go on... But, do I connect with them? A nod, a smile and then I do not think about it anymore. Is there a connection there or is it that I choose not to connect more than that?
Sometimes a bond develops with people whom we are meeting for the first time. We don't mind sharing our thoughts, feelings with them. We take the risk of opening up, becoming vulnerable to them without knowing them well. How does that happen? Are we aware that we are choosing to do so or it happens naturally?
Two years back, I was down with dengue admitted in the hospital and sharing the room with an elderly person being looked after by a young girl. While going through the agonising wait of my blood count to go up, I noticed that the young girl did not know any language other than hindi. She was finding it hard to converse with the nurses and was looking sad. Anyways, I had nothing much to do, so started talking to her. There was a slight hesitation in the beginning but, then she opened up and talked about her village, her brother who had brought her here and how this was her first job. We spoke for a long time, she asked lots of questions and was at ease after that.
As the elderly patient was not used to her, he refused to drink from her hands and was being difficult, so I went up to him, spoke to him in tamil and ended up feeding him.
All this happened over a period of four days, after which I was discharged. That girl was not happy at all and was worried how she would handle after I left. I assured her that she would manage. I also gave her my phone number incase she needed to talk to someone.
After few days, I received a call and it was the girl from the hospital. She said," Didi, it is me. Uncle was released the next day and he is fine. My brother bought me a mobile and I thought of you. You are the first person I have called. I wanted to tell you that I am doing fine and thank you for helping me in the hospital".
This was such an unexpected surprise. It actually made me think that in the hospital we both had a choice, whether to connect to or not. We chose to make a connection and it actually met her need for support and acknowledgement at that time. Just thinking ... what had been my need there??

A ride in the Giant Wheel..

I have always known it as the Giant Wheel. Much before the theme parks, giant wheels were the attraction in the fairs. I have had the experience of riding one years ago. Varsha wanted to sit on the Ferris wheel (newly learnt word for giant wheel) which had been put up in a ground in our area. Last week we went for the fair as Varsha seemed very keen on it, she wanted to experience it. Varun did not show great enthusiasm. He has not been very fond of the Ferris wheel and even the smaller ones on the beach in Chennai were not his favourites. He would scream to get down and we had never pushed him into sitting on one.
When we reached the huge structure both of them seemed really excited and the tickets were bought. I was not keen but as their father did not show interest and I did not want them to go alone, I joined them.
As soon as we sat in one of the boxes.. I realised that there was no safety gates on the sides. I was uncomfortable with the sides being open. When I looked at the children sitting on the opposite side with excitement written on their faces, I suddenly realised that it had been a long time for me too :-) and I was supposed to manage myself and also keep an eye on them.
As the wheel started moving slowly.. stopping every minute to get more people in.. Varun was closing his eyes. I asked him if he was feeling scared and he nodded and said he was not sure if he had done the right thing. We talked about it and soon enough the wheel started moving faster. It seemed okay when it was going up but when it was coming down .... then I saw Varsha..she was screaming ''It is scary ..I am scared.. I want to get down''. I saw Varun, he had his eyes closed imagining that he was flying and he seemed to be managing. Varsha was moving her head from side to side. I was worried about her leaving her hold in fear. The wheel just kept moving and moving... I was starting to wonder if it would ever stop :-))
The wonderful part of the whole experience was that we all kept talking about what we were feeling. Where we were getting the feeling (in the stomach) and the more we spoke about it without resisting the feeling of fear, excitement, thrill we got comfortable.
When the wheel started slowing down Varsha kept saying,'I don't want to get down' and Varun was like,' I am feeling good, I managed'.
When we got down, children excitedly shared their experiences with their father. For me it was a relief to have my feet on the ground :-)

Layers of ME..

Attended a two day workshop on 'Healing our inner world'. I am becoming more and more aware of the baggages I am carrying with me. At times I learn something very jarring about myself and it makes me wonder ..have I been carrying all this with me for so long and not even be aware of it. My thoughts in going for this workshop was to know more about what I was holding on to without the awareness.
It was an interesting workshop where I found myself sharing my thoughts, feelings freely. What made it more meaningful was uncovering some layers which came out through introspection with a small situation.
I liked what one of the facilitators said,' we are like the onion..layers over layers.. takes some time to reach to the core.'
It may be sometime before I am able to change my response to a certain situation but the awareness of the choice I am taking makes a difference. Layers to go before I reach the core ...

Request or Demand?

Last week I called up my mother who is staying with my brother just some kms away. I told her that I was attending a two day workshop this week and asked her if she would come and stay here for the two days as the workshop was full day and I would be home late. I thought I was making a request. My mother took some time to answer and there was some thinking going on from her side. When I did not get an immediate response from her, I reacted. I told her that I had expressed a need and she was taking so much time to reply.
What I thought of as a request was actually a demand disguised as a request. If it had been a request I would have given her time to think and get back but I did not do that. Though I used,'If you can', it was out of an expectation that she should.
And was I really expressing my need.. my need was of support and what I had expressed was a want..(that she should come and stay here)
How many times in a day do we do this?
How many times are our requests actually demands?
Next time you think that you are making a request just check with yourself as to how open are you to take a 'No' for an answer.

'I'

When I started on the journey of 'self discovery' as I call it, I used to get excited with every little thing I learnt and unlearnt. I would experiment, explore, reflect and when I would realise the benefits, I would want to share it with everyone. It would surprise me that people were not really open to the perspectives which I shared. It used to be very difficult and exasperating for me, as I just could not understand why they were not open to becoming more aware. Without awareness of the fact that I was the one who was trying to convince people in what I believed in  and was ending up judging them :-((
It took me some time to sit back and reflect as to what I was doing. After some heavy introspection it came to me that, what I was sharing were my experiences, it was my journey. I questioned myself as to what was it that made me start on this journey ..was it because someone told me to or forced me to ..No.. I wanted it. That was the 'AHA' moment for me. Like me, the rest of them are also in their own journey of life.. who am I to convince or change anyone.
Why am I giving so much of importance to the 'I' in me? 'I' is just a little 'i' who is on a journey and sharing her journey with others.
This realisation has helped me to become more aware and work without being judgemental. Does it happen 100% of the time. I wish it did :-(  The journey has just started for me and have a long long way to go... and I am getting there ... (hopefully:-)) )

Motivation in the classroom

From the book,' What did you learn at School today?' by Kamala .V.Mukunda
One important factor influencing a student's motivation to learn is the motivational system in place, or the classroom environment. Psychologists broadly classify these environments as competitive, cooperative or individualistic. All three systems can create the motivation to work, but for different reasons. And these different sources of motivation can have consequences for the way students approach learning.
Competitive classroom;

• Student's attention focussed on peer's performance
• Self vs other comparisons provide motivation to work
• Might lead student to think in terms of ability. 'Am I smart enough to do this? How did I do? How did he or she do? I don't want to make a mistake.....'
• Avoiding failure becomes all important, which means avoiding challenging situations
• Not trying can be one way of 'failing with honour'

Cooperative classroom:

• Student's attention is focussed towards performance of the group as a whole.
• They think in terms of 'oughts' and a sense of moral responsibility provides the motivation to work. 'Are we working hard enough? I(or he or she) ought to be contributing enough to work. My friends want me to work hard.'
• Intentions become all important and students evaluate each other in terms of willingness to work rather than ability.
• Peers encourage each others efforts. Trying is because you 'owe' it to your group mates.

Individualistic classroom:

• Students work completely independently, and each one's work and progress are unrelated to those of others in the class
• They are led to think in terms of mastering goals for themselves. 'I know I am improving. I am given a chance to correct my mistakes and my teacher wants me to try new things.'
• Self vs- earlier-self comparisons may be heightened, and these provide the motivation for work.
• Trying is for improving and bettering one's own earlier achievements.

 (Ind clrm)Student can focus on question,'How shall I do this? I need to make a plan.' In a (cooperat env ),'We need to make a plan'. But in a (comp env), even if the student tries hard, he/she may not 'succeed', since success is defined as doing better than other students. So the question asked by the student to himself/herself will be,' If I try, will I succeed?' The answer to this lies in her judgement of her own ability relative to the other students. So, motivation to learn will be dependent on that crucial judgement.

Psychologists call the 'double-edged sword of effort'. Effort could lead to success, but if it leads to failure, there is shame and a loss of self-esteem. Thus, in comp env, difficult tasks could lead to failure will be avoided

Even within one classroom, not all students will interpret the goals of the class int he same way. The teacher may ask his students to work together, yet a few of them opt out and work alone. Another teacher may expect his students to work independently, yet two or three of his students begin to collaborate with each other. And we all know of students, who, inspite of being in competitive classrooms, ignore those compulsions and work simply to master the material.

The choice of which system a class follows is influenced by the school's educational philosophy and, ultimately, by societal values. But, it is the teacher who sends powerful motivational messages to her students int he kinds of expectations she communicates.

Awareness..

Today from morning was filled with self doubts. Having taken the first step forward now thoughts coming to my mind have not been that encouraging.
Will I be able to do what I want to do?
What will happen if I am not able to sustain my energy levels?
It should not become a financial burden on my family
Will I be able to manage my time for my family and my activities
How will people react to my venture? will it be negative/positive ?
Wills and what would happen if.... All these thoughts and more.. it was bogging me down .. bringing tears in my eyes for no reason at all. It was not helping me at all.
Decided to stop and get in touch with what was happening to me. When I closed my eyes and observed : the stomach churning, heart beating fast, slight headache, it felt as if I was carrying a huge load. This awareness helped me to understand what these thoughts were doing to me. It also made me introspect as to where was I when I was thinking these thoughts..definitely not in the present.
What is the present..the Now..
I am getting an opportunity to do what I want to do.. I have a place.. the will ..the energy and enthusiasm.. support of my husband and family.. What more do I need?
I can change the way I think..change my thoughts ..
I am capable, I am following my dreams.. I am constantly working on it, I am enjoying this process.
I am feeling the tightness in my stomach disappear, feeling relieved and feeling lighter.
My thoughts right now : I will cross the bridge when I come to it.
"I'm no longer afraid of Storms as I am learning to sail my own ship" - Louisa May Alcott

Origami..

Enjoyed making this origami flower.

Feelings..

Have decided to move forward by starting a small place of my own. Lots of thoughts running through my mind. One one side : financial commitment, pressure to meet costs, time management, sustainability. On the other side: exploring different possibilities, experimenting, reaching out to more people, children. Wow!
Enjoying the feelings of confusion and excitement at the same time :-)