Praise

While talking to Varsha's teacher about her interaction with other children, the teacher said something very interesting. She said that Varsha had shown the quality of being supportive. In her observation she had seen Varsha giving due credit to other children when they helped her out. It was a pleasant surprise and also a relief that this teacher was able to go beyond the superlatives (good, excellent etc)and also make such subtle observations.
Making the child aware when he/she uses a certain quality can help to build the child's self esteem.

Confused..

The teacher says that the child has to learn the multiplication tables from 1 to 10. She has to be thorough, before she goes to the third standard or she will find it tough. Varsha knows how to multiply, she knows the tables.. she is able to work through the multiplication by using various options. I am confused :-( why does the child have to know it by rote. Will not the child learn in time as she keeps visiting the same concept in various ways.

What scares me is the hurry we are in for children to learn. Problems arise when we are not giving them the space, time and enough opportunities to learn.

Chidambara Ashram, Tumkur Gubbi

We visited the Chidambara Ashram in Gubbi, just situated near the railway station. A home for more than sixty children learning vedas and also getting the normal education free of cost.

Why 'Hindi' ?

Varsha was having her tests and when the turn to study hindi came ... she did not want to study. Our conversation went something like this:
V : Why should I study hindi?
Me: I don't know ..you tell me
V: I am going to be a dancer, what use is hindi to me.
Me: hmm..
V : Oh! When I am teaching children if they know only hindi then what will I do?
Me: Silence.
V : I will study hindi so I can talk to the children easily.

She pulled her books and we went about our work. Once again a learning for me: her goal.. her way !

One thought: if she had decided that hindi was not useful what would I have done? Would I have left it at that or would I have found a way to get to my objective. Well! there is always a next time :-)

Letting go

Varun has his tests going on. Yesterday after coming back from school he tells me that he has an English test today. Till 7pm I did not see him with any of his books. He followed his routine of eating, watching tv, going down to play.
Even after all this he was reading other things but not English. I just had to understand this. I reminded him that he had a test and his reply was,' I know, I finished studying at school in the free period'. Well! now what?

I checked my thoughts and it struck to me that I think it is better to revise if you get time(my belief).I decided to let go of this belief and keep quiet.

In the morning he gets up and says,' I will freshen up fast and then revise for the test'. He got ready, had time to revise all on his own. (his motivation.. his ways)

My beliefs letting go.....

Acceptance

What I understand is :
Acceptance without any condition attached. Acceptance is not a tool to be used for some other unsaid objective of ours.

Something which happened in the morning today:

Varsha was not in a great frame of mind and was crying. She had a tiff with her brother and wanted me to scold him. She kept telling me that 'no one loves me, you only love bhaiya'.. 'you don't scold him..but you scold me' etc.. I reflected what she was telling me,' you think I don't love you.. you think i don't scold bhaiya etc' and kept asking her how she felt about it.
After sometime, she calmed down.. hugged me and ran off to get ready.

I did not stop her from feeling what she was feeling
I did not even try to identify her feeling
I did not stop her thoughts ..just made her aware about it
I did not think about her getting ready for school

Would this qualify as pure acceptance??
Would it help if children are able to distinguish their thoughts from their feelings?
Have to keep working on it..

It is fun to learn this way (part 2)

Varsha and her friend wanted to study together. They started by answering questions.. jumping from one place to the other, running behind one another and suddenly Varsha came up with an idea that they could make a project on 'people who help us'.
They both wanted to take the project to school and show their teacher, though there was no such project to be made.
They were on the job for more than an hour ... laughing, talking, drawing, writing. We talk about children not being able to concentrate but here I could see them totally focused on what they were doing (motivation theirs! goal theirs!)

They were learning the fun way !




Inspired by her brother's project

Its fun to study this way..

Varsha and her friend decided to do their homework together the other day. They had to guess the length of figures in the textbook and then measure and write it. They were laughing, pulling each others legs, joking and at the same time doing the work.
The child who was also there was enjoying what was happening. He said,'it is fun to study this way.' So, varsha and her friend replied saying that studying was fun for them.
He immediately got up and said that he was going home. After five minutes he came back with his maths book and said that he also wanted to join in and study this way.

Where there is a fun element in what we do.. then what we are doing is not work at all.
After that homework we even managed to work on hindi the same way. But, the question which comes up is : Is this possible all the time? or If I accept varsha's this way of working, she will also be accepting to work in other ways? hmm..

Navaratri at home

My learning..

The cultural programme was the latest talk in our campus. Lots of parents were trying to get their children to participate in some prog or the other. Older kids were forming groups and coming up with their own skits, dances. I was the lazy one .. not too interested. Varun told me that he was not going to participate this time and I was like ah! relaxed... well! it could not be that simple :-) Varsha wanted to dance. She was insistent that this time she wanted to be on stage and dance.

I had to do something this time.After some searching came to know that one of my friends was preparing for a dance. I requested her and she obliged. Varsha was excited and eager to learn. In four days varsha learnt the steps and she would be dancing and singing all the time. The D-Day came. I was little worried whether she would be comfortable in her costume (she is normally very sensitive about the feel of her clothes) but today was different. She got up happy and full of life.

She got ready and there was not a single sound from her about her costume, hair. When i blundered while putting her tattoo mehndi, she actually told me,'It's ok ... atleast there is something on my hand.. we should be happy with what we have.'

When she was dancing on the stage I could see her smiling and really enjoying herself. She wanted to dance.. she found a way and nothing stopped her from enjoying every moment of it. My goal... I find the way

Varsha is second in the line with brown/red dupatta

Varsha's bee story

It was amazing to watch varsha do this project on her own, using her imagination. She showed confidence while drawing the borders, writing the content, drawing and then colouring it.

Varun's gift

A few days back, I was on the phone with my friend and Varun suddenly came up behind me and hugged me. I was surprised, he whispered,'After you finish talking I want to talk to you'. When I completed my call I called him to ask what he wanted to tell me. He came and hugged me tightly. I hugged him too and told him that I loved him. He said,'Mummy I was reading Oliver Twist and I realise now, how much you mean to me, you do so many things for me even without my asking.. I love you.'

What he gave me was a precious gift of connection.

Varsha making chapatis

Children enjoy doing things when it comes from within them and when the pushing starts from our side they don't want to do it anymore.

Giving..

Last year, I fell sick. I was down with fever and for five days in bed without knowing what was happening around me. My husband took care of the children, home, everything. I am not used to it but was not in a position to do much. Got admitted in the hospital as it was diagnosed as dengue.

While, I was in the hospital battling the up and down of the blood platelets, my mom had taken my children. I was not able to see my children but I knew they were in safe hands and I was thankful for that.

After four days when I returned home, I was very weak and tired and before I could think of anything, my friends took over and provided me with breakfast, lunch and dinner for one full week and would have continued if I had not stopped them.

At the time I realised that I like to contibute to other's lives by offering support, but it was so difficult to accept when others want to do the same. Maybe, somewhere I was being selfish by not allowing others to feel the same joy I feel when I do things for others.

I have admitted to myself that as I love to give others, I would also like to be supported by others and accept it graciously.

'No man can be happy without a friend,
nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy'
Thomas Fuller,M.D.

Capable of more..

Today, went to the school to collect the report cards of the children. Varsha's teacher while giving the report card and her worksheets mentioned that she wanted to talk to me about something. She told me that varsha had not done too well in the last session. When, I looked at her sheets she seemed to have done well ... 21/25, 17/25 etc. I mentioned that to the teacher and she shook her head saying,'she is capable of much more'.
When I told her that all this was Varsha's efforts and I had very little to do with it, the teacher advised me to spend more time on her.
I left the school wondering and still wondering what is it about marks which is so important? If I had sat with her, made her study and prepared her for the tests with the same format.. she might have done well(as per the teacher) .. would it mean that she has understood concepts or would I be conditioning her to work in a certain way to get marks. If a child secures the required marks does it mean he understands what he has done. Even after so many changes happening around us, we are still not able to change our mindset, our conditioning. Why is marks the only criteria which defines whether a child is intelligent or not?
It is time that we change the way we look at things, change the way we think and also change the way we do things. The least we can do is to change the way we work with our children at home by giving them acceptance, freedom, allowing them to make mistakes with the hope that they will reach out and work for what they want from life.

Time

We are always telling ourselves and others that we wish we had more time. I want to do this or that but I just don't have time. Do we really not have time or is it that we do not think certain things are important enough to make time for.

We had gone to Lal Bagh and got really excited seeing the vegetables and flowers. The children wanted to buy seeds. My first reaction was who is going to take care..there is no place in the balcony.. we do not have the time etc etc..
But the children were adamant and we ended up buying seeds for a variety of vegetables, pots.

As soon as we came home we started work on planting the seeds and it was real fun. It has been two weeks up and I love watering the plants and watching them come out of the seeds is a wonderful feeling. The children are also enjoying the process of watching them grow. We are now looking forward to have tomatoes, beans.
And the best part is I have found time out to do this.
It made me realise that if you want to really do something you do find time for it. There is enough time to do everything..everything..

Awareness

Yesterday, I told all of you about varun's dilemma whether to take his beyblade tip to school or not for exchanging it with his friend. I did not give him any answer but had just asked him what the rule was at school and left it.

In the evening while talking varun tells me Venkatesh gave me the tip. I asked him but you had to give him yours. He just smiled and said,' Yes, I took it . Teacher did not know.. sorry.'

My thoughts at that moment:

1. He knew what the rule is but he decided to do what he wanted.

2. This might become a habit with him

3. I allowed him freedom and is he misusing it?

The feelings which came out of these thoughts:

Anxious, Concerned, fear

Are these feelings founded on facts or beliefs?

After checking I realised that the thoughts were all beliefs. I also realised that the fact was that he had openly told me about it (he had been honest about it ..if he had kept quiet I would not have even known about it)

Now what were the options I had: I could ignore/ I could tell him I did not like what he did/ I could make him aware of his choice/I could give a piece of my mind etc

My response: 'You decided to take the tip though you were aware that the teachers would not like it''

His response: 'yes' and the conversation ended there.

I have without being judgemental about it and pushing my thoughts on to him communicated to him that it was his decision and he is responsible for his actions. I am not sure whether this is ok or not but this process helped me be more aware of myself :-)

Pune Trip(dec2010)