I keep telling my children and myself that we choose how we feel. The situation is not in our control but what we think and feel is in our control. Easier said than done !
I have been working on this constantly where people respond in a certain way and I tell myself that it is upto to me to feel what I feel. Lots of times it works because I just get aware of my thought and turn it around as to suit me. I have had some people who are close to me say things like,' You may have certain things in mind but it is very difficult and it might not be possible.' At the moment it seems very discouraging, as I get the thought that this person does not want me to succeed and the feeling pulls me down. The thought and the feelings which come with it is not something helping me to grow. So, I tell myself that the person is really concerned that I should do well and is worried for me and is just making me ready for the worst :-) Actually it makes a difference when I think this way as I am able to be normal with the person next time I meet.
Lot of people say that this is just rationalising the situation. Maybe so ! I am at peace with myself. Am I able to do this with everyone?
I realised that this is not working with some people. I am still left with the unpleasant feeling. At times it makes me think whether I am doing enough to come out of the feeling or is it that I am actually enjoying being in that feeling or is it that the person does want me to feel a certain way and I go along with it.
It is interesting how I am aware of the feelings and having the choice to work on it, I still make the choice of feeling in a certain way which makes me feel like 'I have been wronged/ I am a victim'. Maybe this is the pay off I get by making this choice' self pity', 'sympathy'. Hmm..
At the same time there are certain feelings which keep coming back to us through different events, different people and everytime I get that feeling it stops my personal growth. I become defensive about myself and feel the need to prove something.
It is also possible that some feelings are so deep seated that the events and what people say or do just act as reinforcements to the feelings and the beliefs that I carry about myself, others and the world. Becoming aware of the events, the feelings and then working on the beliefs can change things around.
Am working on it...... :-)
I have been working on this constantly where people respond in a certain way and I tell myself that it is upto to me to feel what I feel. Lots of times it works because I just get aware of my thought and turn it around as to suit me. I have had some people who are close to me say things like,' You may have certain things in mind but it is very difficult and it might not be possible.' At the moment it seems very discouraging, as I get the thought that this person does not want me to succeed and the feeling pulls me down. The thought and the feelings which come with it is not something helping me to grow. So, I tell myself that the person is really concerned that I should do well and is worried for me and is just making me ready for the worst :-) Actually it makes a difference when I think this way as I am able to be normal with the person next time I meet.
Lot of people say that this is just rationalising the situation. Maybe so ! I am at peace with myself. Am I able to do this with everyone?
I realised that this is not working with some people. I am still left with the unpleasant feeling. At times it makes me think whether I am doing enough to come out of the feeling or is it that I am actually enjoying being in that feeling or is it that the person does want me to feel a certain way and I go along with it.
It is interesting how I am aware of the feelings and having the choice to work on it, I still make the choice of feeling in a certain way which makes me feel like 'I have been wronged/ I am a victim'. Maybe this is the pay off I get by making this choice' self pity', 'sympathy'. Hmm..
At the same time there are certain feelings which keep coming back to us through different events, different people and everytime I get that feeling it stops my personal growth. I become defensive about myself and feel the need to prove something.
It is also possible that some feelings are so deep seated that the events and what people say or do just act as reinforcements to the feelings and the beliefs that I carry about myself, others and the world. Becoming aware of the events, the feelings and then working on the beliefs can change things around.
Am working on it...... :-)
Everybody operates from their thoughts, choices, feelings ,beliefs,opinions, judgement, understanding, needs and wants and its about them NOT ABOUT ME.
ReplyDeleteWe are able to follow this with lot of people around us but when it comes to nearest family and friends ,following gets tough because we believe that they are part of us our thoughts and feelings and share same things but that is not always the case.
All the best:)
At the end of the day it all comes down to what is the belief I am carrying about myself, others and the world. When I am holding on to a feeling which is stopping me from growing it is because of the belief I carry for myself which keeps getting reinforced everytime I think of the events or people.
ReplyDeleteTill I understand or become aware of the belief, I may be able to change my behaviour, but the pattern will keep coming up again and again.