Emotions

The counsellor was talking about how children should be allowed to express emotions and when she had spoken to the seventh standard boys they were surprised when she told them that it was allright to cry when they felt like as they had grown up thinking that boys should not cry. It reminded me of the incident which happened with varun when he was in fourth standard. In the class one day he cried because he felt that something he had made had not come out the way he wanted. The teacher (the same one who was the spokesperson) when we met her in the Parent teacher meet the first sentence she spoke was,'are you putting any pressure on your child?' 'varun needs to be strong he cannot be so sensitive and should not express himself in this way.. the child should know how to control his emotions etc etc..
She came on to us in such an aggressive manner that we also put our foot down and told her not to be judgemental and if he had expressed himself his feelings should have been dealt which of course had not been done. After that she actually apologised and did not talk about varun like that again atleast till now.
But it has left me wondering on one side the counsellor stresses on the expression of emotions and on the other hand the teachers are doing the opposite to the children..where lies the problem?..not enough awareness to the teachers or unwillingness to learn or lack of understanding that they have the power in them which can make or break a child from within.

Images..

I had gone for a parent counselling meet to my children's school last saturday. The counsellor was talking about different tools they were using in school and she mentioned teamwork as one of the tools used for social skills. The teachers decides the groups and the topic is given to them..now it is assumed out here that the children know how to work as a team and there is basically no follow up after the activity for the children to understand how they worked as a team. The focus is on the end product and that's it. I put up this point and wanted the school to focus on the process of working as a team and not on the end product. I received very defensive reactions to it. The Principal asked the teachers what they are doing now and whether they have thought about this? One of the teachers who was supposedly the spokesperson for all the teachers present there started explaining what great work they are doing with children and as teachers they knew what is best for children etc etc which i realised had nothing to do with what i said. The principal and the counsellor intervened to make her understand that we were talking about the process. The teacher was still not listening and then she said something which got to me. Her exact words,'As a teacher i know about the children and when i give them any kind of work as a group i make sure that the group is properly divided, i don't want to say this but i put an intelligent child with an average child so that the group is balanced and the work can be done'.
I just did not like what she said and i kind of lost my cool for that minute and told her in not so many words that if as a facilitator she has already made assumptions about the children how can i as a parent expect that my child is treated fairly at school and i also told her that she needs to open her mind when she is working with children. The Principal intervened fearing a major argument and brought the teamwork issue into proper perspective and said that they would work on that.
But what the teacher said has left me with a very unpleasant feeling. Is that one of her images and it was something which she said but did not believe in it or is it that she really believes in what she said.
If it is something which she believes and thinks that she is right about what she thinks of a child what damage would it cause to the children ..those who are not thought to be capable and also those who are thoguht to be capable ..would they be able to come out of these boxes in which they have been put????

There is another way..

At times i have wondered if the way we talk and the language we use at home actually works with the children and also worry as to how my child who is not used to a certain way of talking will adjust to the outside world which is very harsh at times. The other day varsha was reading an english reader for class 1 and suddenly she called me to show something. She showed me a picture where the parents were waking up their daughter saying,'wake up, wake up, you lazy girl'. She looked at me and asked why are they waking her up like that? So i asked how do you like to be woken up and she said that we just needed to call her name and tell her to get up as it was time. After few minutes she said,'we don't talk like this but some people talk like this' and continued reading the chapter.

Problem..no problem

Yesterday when i was talking to varun he suddenly said,'I have a problem'. I said,'ok' and he continued,'I don't know what to do' just a hmm from my side. He said his friend Sanjan wanted to lend him his DS(VIDEO GAME) for playing and he had told him he did not want to take it but his friend was forcing him to take it. He waited for me to respond but i did not say anything, after a pause i just said,'it is very difficult to force someone to do something they don't want to do' maybe it was not necessary but i said it and kept quiet. After a minute he said,' I know what i am going to do i will tell him that i will take it from him when our holidays start and not now'
This conversation ended there..i realised he just needed to tell what was in his mind aloud and he figured out for himself what to do and i just needed to listen.