An interesting thing happened just a few minutes back. Varsha got ready to go to the pool. She was wearing her swimsuit and a shirt on top. I noticed that she had not buttoned up one button but I did not say anything.
She went to her friends place and was waiting for them. The mother of the child at once noticed the button out of place and she told Varsha to put it properly. My daughter kept saying, 'It is okay aunty'. I could hear the conversation and could hear the mother insisting on her making it right.
I went out to say bye to her and saw Varsha opening the buttons and 'making it right'. I told the mother it was okay...it is not so important. She said,' I told her to do it again.. it is not okay'.
Some questions coming to my mind:
She went to her friends place and was waiting for them. The mother of the child at once noticed the button out of place and she told Varsha to put it properly. My daughter kept saying, 'It is okay aunty'. I could hear the conversation and could hear the mother insisting on her making it right.
I went out to say bye to her and saw Varsha opening the buttons and 'making it right'. I told the mother it was okay...it is not so important. She said,' I told her to do it again.. it is not okay'.
Some questions coming to my mind:
- What would have happened if she had gone with the button undone?
- What message did the child get when she was forced to do it in a certain way?
- How would it affect me if the child had gone like that?
- What is not allowing us to just 'let go'
- What belief am I as an adult working from?
Subha – I do not know about others let go – but I know I oscillate between let go and not let go
ReplyDeleteIf I am going for a party, where my child is expected to be dressed – I do not let go and work with him to dress.
If my child is going to Geniekids - I let go (I see no threat of him being put down)
What message the child got – I will leave it to the child, in case of doubt I will ask the child. Many times when I had issue with such remarks my kids surprised by saying “it does not matter, aunty was concerned so she said”.
I do not want a protective environment for my child where I change all around me to be like me, or to start believing in what I believe – I would rather empower my child to understand different perspective –and in this case one of the perspective is your neighbours. I will leave it to the child to select – mine or neighbour’s.
I asked her about what she was thinking and feeling. She said,'Aunty told me to make it ok, she was uncomfortable'
ReplyDelete:-)
Children learn through their experiences ..true .. keep questioning and thinking .. that is what I can do :-))