Varun's gift

A few days back, I was on the phone with my friend and Varun suddenly came up behind me and hugged me. I was surprised, he whispered,'After you finish talking I want to talk to you'. When I completed my call I called him to ask what he wanted to tell me. He came and hugged me tightly. I hugged him too and told him that I loved him. He said,'Mummy I was reading Oliver Twist and I realise now, how much you mean to me, you do so many things for me even without my asking.. I love you.'

What he gave me was a precious gift of connection.

Varsha making chapatis

Children enjoy doing things when it comes from within them and when the pushing starts from our side they don't want to do it anymore.

Giving..

Last year, I fell sick. I was down with fever and for five days in bed without knowing what was happening around me. My husband took care of the children, home, everything. I am not used to it but was not in a position to do much. Got admitted in the hospital as it was diagnosed as dengue.

While, I was in the hospital battling the up and down of the blood platelets, my mom had taken my children. I was not able to see my children but I knew they were in safe hands and I was thankful for that.

After four days when I returned home, I was very weak and tired and before I could think of anything, my friends took over and provided me with breakfast, lunch and dinner for one full week and would have continued if I had not stopped them.

At the time I realised that I like to contibute to other's lives by offering support, but it was so difficult to accept when others want to do the same. Maybe, somewhere I was being selfish by not allowing others to feel the same joy I feel when I do things for others.

I have admitted to myself that as I love to give others, I would also like to be supported by others and accept it graciously.

'No man can be happy without a friend,
nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy'
Thomas Fuller,M.D.

Capable of more..

Today, went to the school to collect the report cards of the children. Varsha's teacher while giving the report card and her worksheets mentioned that she wanted to talk to me about something. She told me that varsha had not done too well in the last session. When, I looked at her sheets she seemed to have done well ... 21/25, 17/25 etc. I mentioned that to the teacher and she shook her head saying,'she is capable of much more'.
When I told her that all this was Varsha's efforts and I had very little to do with it, the teacher advised me to spend more time on her.
I left the school wondering and still wondering what is it about marks which is so important? If I had sat with her, made her study and prepared her for the tests with the same format.. she might have done well(as per the teacher) .. would it mean that she has understood concepts or would I be conditioning her to work in a certain way to get marks. If a child secures the required marks does it mean he understands what he has done. Even after so many changes happening around us, we are still not able to change our mindset, our conditioning. Why is marks the only criteria which defines whether a child is intelligent or not?
It is time that we change the way we look at things, change the way we think and also change the way we do things. The least we can do is to change the way we work with our children at home by giving them acceptance, freedom, allowing them to make mistakes with the hope that they will reach out and work for what they want from life.

Time

We are always telling ourselves and others that we wish we had more time. I want to do this or that but I just don't have time. Do we really not have time or is it that we do not think certain things are important enough to make time for.

We had gone to Lal Bagh and got really excited seeing the vegetables and flowers. The children wanted to buy seeds. My first reaction was who is going to take care..there is no place in the balcony.. we do not have the time etc etc..
But the children were adamant and we ended up buying seeds for a variety of vegetables, pots.

As soon as we came home we started work on planting the seeds and it was real fun. It has been two weeks up and I love watering the plants and watching them come out of the seeds is a wonderful feeling. The children are also enjoying the process of watching them grow. We are now looking forward to have tomatoes, beans.
And the best part is I have found time out to do this.
It made me realise that if you want to really do something you do find time for it. There is enough time to do everything..everything..

Awareness

Yesterday, I told all of you about varun's dilemma whether to take his beyblade tip to school or not for exchanging it with his friend. I did not give him any answer but had just asked him what the rule was at school and left it.

In the evening while talking varun tells me Venkatesh gave me the tip. I asked him but you had to give him yours. He just smiled and said,' Yes, I took it . Teacher did not know.. sorry.'

My thoughts at that moment:

1. He knew what the rule is but he decided to do what he wanted.

2. This might become a habit with him

3. I allowed him freedom and is he misusing it?

The feelings which came out of these thoughts:

Anxious, Concerned, fear

Are these feelings founded on facts or beliefs?

After checking I realised that the thoughts were all beliefs. I also realised that the fact was that he had openly told me about it (he had been honest about it ..if he had kept quiet I would not have even known about it)

Now what were the options I had: I could ignore/ I could tell him I did not like what he did/ I could make him aware of his choice/I could give a piece of my mind etc

My response: 'You decided to take the tip though you were aware that the teachers would not like it''

His response: 'yes' and the conversation ended there.

I have without being judgemental about it and pushing my thoughts on to him communicated to him that it was his decision and he is responsible for his actions. I am not sure whether this is ok or not but this process helped me be more aware of myself :-)

Pune Trip(dec2010)