I am responsible for what I feel

"People are disturbed not by things,
but by the view they take of them."-- Epictetus

Have we heard ourselves say,'I am angry because you did not listen to me.'or
'I am feeling hurt because she did not answer my call' or
'I am feeling proud that you got the marks I expected.'

What do you think all these statements have in common? Yes, I am feeling something because of an external stimulus. Something outside 'ME' is controlling my emotions. It is very easy, isn't it to put the blame or reason on someone else for what I am feeling. When I say these things what does it tell about me? I have no control over what I think or feel, is that really really true?

Let's take another example and check it out. You have had a long tiring day and you come home to find that your husband has got into the kitchen trying to make something and the whole place is a mess. How would you respond? What would be your feeling?
Now, take the same situation, the only difference is that you have had a great day and you come home to find the mess. How would you respond now? What would be your feeling?

Is there a difference between what you felt in the earlier situation and the latter one? The situation is the same but what is different is your state of mind. In the earlier situation you might say something like,' I am already tired and look what you are doing..you are making me so angry.' In the latter situation you might respond saying,' It is allright..you were just trying to help ..here let me help you clean it up.'

Is it really true that the situations or people are responsible for what we feel? We choose how we feel, if we are able to take out just a minute before reacting/responding and check ourselves then we will be able to see that we have a choice before us. Taking responsibility for one's own feelings and responses empowers us to make better choices. If we are able to apply it to ourselves first and also work with children in the same manner, it will help our children to realise that they are in control of what they feel despite the stimulus the get. To be aware of our thoughts and to be in control of how we feel is a step towards empowering oneself and children.
Try it out next time you are in a strong feeling.