Request or Demand?

Last week I called up my mother who is staying with my brother just some kms away. I told her that I was attending a two day workshop this week and asked her if she would come and stay here for the two days as the workshop was full day and I would be home late. I thought I was making a request. My mother took some time to answer and there was some thinking going on from her side. When I did not get an immediate response from her, I reacted. I told her that I had expressed a need and she was taking so much time to reply.
What I thought of as a request was actually a demand disguised as a request. If it had been a request I would have given her time to think and get back but I did not do that. Though I used,'If you can', it was out of an expectation that she should.
And was I really expressing my need.. my need was of support and what I had expressed was a want..(that she should come and stay here)
How many times in a day do we do this?
How many times are our requests actually demands?
Next time you think that you are making a request just check with yourself as to how open are you to take a 'No' for an answer.

'I'

When I started on the journey of 'self discovery' as I call it, I used to get excited with every little thing I learnt and unlearnt. I would experiment, explore, reflect and when I would realise the benefits, I would want to share it with everyone. It would surprise me that people were not really open to the perspectives which I shared. It used to be very difficult and exasperating for me, as I just could not understand why they were not open to becoming more aware. Without awareness of the fact that I was the one who was trying to convince people in what I believed in  and was ending up judging them :-((
It took me some time to sit back and reflect as to what I was doing. After some heavy introspection it came to me that, what I was sharing were my experiences, it was my journey. I questioned myself as to what was it that made me start on this journey ..was it because someone told me to or forced me to ..No.. I wanted it. That was the 'AHA' moment for me. Like me, the rest of them are also in their own journey of life.. who am I to convince or change anyone.
Why am I giving so much of importance to the 'I' in me? 'I' is just a little 'i' who is on a journey and sharing her journey with others.
This realisation has helped me to become more aware and work without being judgemental. Does it happen 100% of the time. I wish it did :-(  The journey has just started for me and have a long long way to go... and I am getting there ... (hopefully:-)) )

Motivation in the classroom

From the book,' What did you learn at School today?' by Kamala .V.Mukunda
One important factor influencing a student's motivation to learn is the motivational system in place, or the classroom environment. Psychologists broadly classify these environments as competitive, cooperative or individualistic. All three systems can create the motivation to work, but for different reasons. And these different sources of motivation can have consequences for the way students approach learning.
Competitive classroom;

• Student's attention focussed on peer's performance
• Self vs other comparisons provide motivation to work
• Might lead student to think in terms of ability. 'Am I smart enough to do this? How did I do? How did he or she do? I don't want to make a mistake.....'
• Avoiding failure becomes all important, which means avoiding challenging situations
• Not trying can be one way of 'failing with honour'

Cooperative classroom:

• Student's attention is focussed towards performance of the group as a whole.
• They think in terms of 'oughts' and a sense of moral responsibility provides the motivation to work. 'Are we working hard enough? I(or he or she) ought to be contributing enough to work. My friends want me to work hard.'
• Intentions become all important and students evaluate each other in terms of willingness to work rather than ability.
• Peers encourage each others efforts. Trying is because you 'owe' it to your group mates.

Individualistic classroom:

• Students work completely independently, and each one's work and progress are unrelated to those of others in the class
• They are led to think in terms of mastering goals for themselves. 'I know I am improving. I am given a chance to correct my mistakes and my teacher wants me to try new things.'
• Self vs- earlier-self comparisons may be heightened, and these provide the motivation for work.
• Trying is for improving and bettering one's own earlier achievements.

 (Ind clrm)Student can focus on question,'How shall I do this? I need to make a plan.' In a (cooperat env ),'We need to make a plan'. But in a (comp env), even if the student tries hard, he/she may not 'succeed', since success is defined as doing better than other students. So the question asked by the student to himself/herself will be,' If I try, will I succeed?' The answer to this lies in her judgement of her own ability relative to the other students. So, motivation to learn will be dependent on that crucial judgement.

Psychologists call the 'double-edged sword of effort'. Effort could lead to success, but if it leads to failure, there is shame and a loss of self-esteem. Thus, in comp env, difficult tasks could lead to failure will be avoided

Even within one classroom, not all students will interpret the goals of the class int he same way. The teacher may ask his students to work together, yet a few of them opt out and work alone. Another teacher may expect his students to work independently, yet two or three of his students begin to collaborate with each other. And we all know of students, who, inspite of being in competitive classrooms, ignore those compulsions and work simply to master the material.

The choice of which system a class follows is influenced by the school's educational philosophy and, ultimately, by societal values. But, it is the teacher who sends powerful motivational messages to her students int he kinds of expectations she communicates.

Awareness..

Today from morning was filled with self doubts. Having taken the first step forward now thoughts coming to my mind have not been that encouraging.
Will I be able to do what I want to do?
What will happen if I am not able to sustain my energy levels?
It should not become a financial burden on my family
Will I be able to manage my time for my family and my activities
How will people react to my venture? will it be negative/positive ?
Wills and what would happen if.... All these thoughts and more.. it was bogging me down .. bringing tears in my eyes for no reason at all. It was not helping me at all.
Decided to stop and get in touch with what was happening to me. When I closed my eyes and observed : the stomach churning, heart beating fast, slight headache, it felt as if I was carrying a huge load. This awareness helped me to understand what these thoughts were doing to me. It also made me introspect as to where was I when I was thinking these thoughts..definitely not in the present.
What is the present..the Now..
I am getting an opportunity to do what I want to do.. I have a place.. the will ..the energy and enthusiasm.. support of my husband and family.. What more do I need?
I can change the way I think..change my thoughts ..
I am capable, I am following my dreams.. I am constantly working on it, I am enjoying this process.
I am feeling the tightness in my stomach disappear, feeling relieved and feeling lighter.
My thoughts right now : I will cross the bridge when I come to it.
"I'm no longer afraid of Storms as I am learning to sail my own ship" - Louisa May Alcott

Origami..

Enjoyed making this origami flower.

Feelings..

Have decided to move forward by starting a small place of my own. Lots of thoughts running through my mind. One one side : financial commitment, pressure to meet costs, time management, sustainability. On the other side: exploring different possibilities, experimenting, reaching out to more people, children. Wow!
Enjoying the feelings of confusion and excitement at the same time :-)

Advertisements not real..

We were sitting and watching TV. Advertisements were been shown and Varsha observed,'' All these ads are not real, they are fooling us''. I was surprised with her outburst. She continued,'' Look, look how they show all this but it does not really happen. They just want us to buy these things and waste our money''. Wow! coming from an eight year old and that too where the children seem to be the main consumers and they decide in many homes what to buy, I was taken aback.
I asked her,'' What makes you say that?''
She said,'' You have seen the pizza ad, they show how the cheese comes out of the pizza, it has never happened to me like that''. Just then an ad for a deodrant came and she immediately said,'' Look, it does not happen in real life that people start running after you just because you use it''
I could not help smiling and thinking that she was teaching me something. Would I stop using 'Olay' now... hmmm :-))