Don't dump garbage on me..

Today morning, I was irritated with something(not sure what) and lost my cool. I started picking on Varun for no reason at all. He kept looking at me and at one point of time said,' Don't dump your garbage on me'. It took me by surprise and at the same time made me aware of what I was doing.
And I stopped what I was doing .. I apologised and he smiled.
It comes so naturally at times to us to dump our stuff on others without taking responsibility for our feelings and finding a way to deal with it.

Who is Abnormal..

Teacher told the parent in front of the child that the five year old is 'Abnormal'. There is something wrong with him. It really depresses me. Is the child abnormal because people around him cannot understand him. Who is Abnormal? I wonder if we are all normal?
Being normal is to complain, criticize, put down, do anything to prove I am right ? We as adults are doing all of this and we call a child who is trying to cope with all the criticism and the messages he is getting around him by creating a safe world for himself 'Abnormal'. The child just does not feel the need to be part of this harsh world around him.
Somewhere, are we losing sensitivity towards accepting differences, are we showing impatience when it is not conforming to our standards and conveniences?
Do we have any right to call a child 'Abnormal'? We need to do a reality check on ourselves before judging or evaluating anyone especially a child.

Different way of perceiving things...

Varsha heard in the school when the news was read that Mahi a five year old had fallen into the borewell and people were trying to get her out. She came home and expressed that people are trying to get the child out who fell into the borewell. She went to her friends place the next day and saw on the news that the child had been pulled out.
She came home and in the night she seemed very happy. She said,'Mummy, I saw on tv that Mahi had been saved. They were taking her to the hospital'. I did not think telling her what really happened at that time was appropriate and let it be. She was up early, seemed to have something on her mind. She started looking for the newspaper.. found the snippet about the child. Then she realised that it was talking about the child not being alive. She started asking questions and became very upset that Mahi could not be saved.
She asked so many questions as to 'What actually happened', 'How did she fall in', 'How big was the hole', What is a bore well?',' How can people be so careless and leave it open, 'why did she have to die', she was just five years old etc etc.
Before leaving for school she told me to check out the internet and get information for her about Mahi. When was her birthday? How did she fall? what were her parents doing? Where was this place? etc. I told her I would.
As soon as she came back from school she wanted to know more and felt really sad that Mahi had died on her birthday. She wanted to write a letter to the parents. She said,' What would they be feeling ma?' Will they be missing her? They will be so lonely..
Then as she was mentioning about her school activities she said,' In dictation I got everything right except two .. you know my mind was thinking about Mahi..that's why'
She also expressed how she was worried for me when I go out as she does not want me to fall into any hole of any sort :-). She worried about her brother who plays down, for her father and also for herself. Last night she said,' I do not want to go to school.. I am scared
In all this my role .. acknowledging and allowing her to share more of her thoughts and feelings.

Made me also think that as adults when we hear such news, we express shock at the moment and just carry on with our lives.. not really checking on our thoughts or feelings. The child looks at everything happening in a totally different perspective. 

Marriage..

We had been for an engagement few days back. Varsha had loads of questions. Where is the girl, where is the boy? Are they going to be living together? Why are they sitting seperately? etc etc.
After coming back she shared with her friend about the experience. Her friend gave her some more fundas and Varsha and I had a conversation just before she went to sleep which went something like this:
V: Is there something called 'love marriage'
Me: Yes
V: S told me about it. I know what it is.
Me: hmmm.
V: What is love marriage?
Me: What do you think it is?
V: hee... two people love and they kiss...heehee and ...heeeeee
Me: And ..
V: hee... they..hee.. show tummy
Me: Yes varsha, two people like each other and they think they want to be together for a long time so they get married... and have children .. family.
V: You don't need to marry to have children
Me: True, when you have children it can be difficult for one person to manage... she lost interest
V: What if I don't want to have children
Me: It is your choice
V: Till I become 38/40 also if I don't have children
Me: It is your choice
V: But I told you I want to have a baby girl and I want to name her 'donkey'
Me: hmmm.. not sure if she would like to be called 'donkey'
V: Ok, what shall we call her
Then we discussed a few names and she decided on 'Angela' .. she snuggled close and slept.

Learning..

 My laptop refused to switch on yesterday. It was working fine and suddenly just would not switch on. I could not believe it. The first thought which came to my mind was that all my research of last few years is gone. It definitely is not a good sign when the computer does not make the starting noise and is giving a blank screen. Also the words of my husband came to me,' Hope you are taking back ups? You never know'. I would just nod and not give it another thought. I would tell myself that I am being careful how I use it, I have an anti virus, I am updating regularly so nothing would happen.
And, how wrong I was. The service person clearly said that nothing much can be done and even if we do something it is going to cost a lot just to get it repaired without much of a guarantee. Luckily for me my husband took out time from his office and spent more than two hours trying to retrieve as much data as possible.
First thing which came to my mind is that 'why did it have to happen?' but now, I am grateful that the data could be saved, grateful that my husband was willing to take out time for my work. I have also learned not to take technology for granted :-)), learned how I can keep back ups without any hassles.
Have lots of work to do, the good news is that I am getting through it without any breakdowns :-)))

Habits of Mind/ Success skills/ Effective characteristics

We want our children to be good at academics, be good at sports, music etc. We also want them to be confident, perseverant, team player, creative, independent thinkers too. We spend lot of time, effort and money on the first part  if we consider the second part as important or more important or even equally important what are we actually doing to facilitate the development of these characteristics which we call as habits of mind or (HOM) or do we even have to do something to about it. Some thoughts on HOM:

• When I talk of HOM, I am talking about habits which I use time and again to help me move forward, which help me to reach my goals etc.
• When I talk of habits, I am also talking about becoming aware of habits which I am using time and again and are not helping me achieve what I want in life
• I want to develop certain habits which facilitate my progress
• To do this I identify a habit and go through a process to develop it
• So, why am I calling it success characteristics?
• These are characteristics which help me but unable to understand the 'success' part of it.
• I understand 'success' as being a relative term.
• Developing all these characteristics is an ongoing process and it will take me a life time to do it
• Am I using 'success' to emphasize the importance of these habits, so that we sit up and take notice and do something about it.
• I am still stuck with the word "success'' .. not sure if it is really necessary when I am talking about these characteristics.
• Am I still stuck with the thought that this would be the only way parents would work on the characteristics.
• What if we say that these characteristics make us more effective in whatever we do.. will this not be seen as important then.
• How about calling it 'Effective Skills'
• How do I know that the child is developing these characteristics.. through observation, awareness, reflection... a continuous process
• the confusion, churning anyways happening in the process

OR

Is it that I am the one who is attaching too much importance to 'success' and should not take it seriously as Aditi says,' Do not take HOM so seriously' :-))

School...

Varsha's first day of school today. She got everything ready yesterday night. Before going to sleep she told me," Mummy, new teacher, new class .. I am excited. If teacher is nice and friendly, I will come back in good mood. If teacher is strict and not nice, I will come back and take it out at home."

She was very clear. Hoping she has a great day at school :-))