Tried something New and Different

Had real fun and enjoyed every moment of it.

Trip to Sittilingi

Mountains in the backdrop with the r them, lush green fields around, the sound of a stream flowing, cute little huts ... this is the village of sittilingi where we spent a quiet diwali. It was a wonderful experience without the sounds and smell of crackers.
My brother and his wife who stay at Thulir(education resource centre for children and youngsters) invited us for diwali to this wonderful place.
We started around 7am and reached thulir aound 12pm. It was a holiday so the children did not come. We lazed around, children went for walk aound the place and they thoroughly enjoyed themselves. We went to the land which my brother has bought out there. Children and Partha enjoyed plucking mangoes(unripe). We even saw a house which has not been occupied for ages now housing snakes and ghosts(according to the villagers)
The next day we met the children and then attended the class which my brother took for them. We did a few origami stuff ..it was fun. Later varun observed water testing.
Partha and children went for a walk in the evening to the stream nearby and the children thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
The next day morning after breakfast was time to leave the place. We bought a few key chains and soap which the girls make out there for sale.it was raining and the journey back was scary. The visibility was bad but we managed to make it back safely.
The trip was a memorable one. A big thanks to Sanjeev and Anita for making it possible.

Stage

All round you could see excited eager faces. It was annual day of our campus and we were having a cultural event. Children dressed up in different costumes, parents running around doing the last minute make up for them.. the whole place was colourful and lively. In the midst of all this there were the tiny tots just two or two and a half also dressed up in complicated costume and there was a clear discomfort on their faces. Others calling them cute and pulling their cheeks, hugging and holding them at their will. After all this when the time came for the children to be on stage most of them stuck to their mothers and refused to get down. One or two children in the end due to the persistence of the parent stood on the stage but the others refused and ended up being carried by the mother for the whole programme.

Just thinking what is it that makes a parent to do this. Is it the eagerness to give their child exposure or is it just they are just getting to satisfy their whims and fancies because the child does not have a say. What would the child be thinking in those uncomfortable clothes, how would he/she be feeling, what is he thinking about the elders around him who do not treat him as an individual?

Why is it so difficult for parents to allow the child to be just be? Why are we so eager to show off our children in front of others treating them like puppets? Why do parents and adults feel that a child has to prove himself/herself in front of others all the time. Is it our insecurity with ourselves?

When a child is constantly showcased in front of others ..and the child is constantly fed with appreciation or praise would he be doing things only to get that praise or would he still enjoy what he is doing?

It is about time we as parents sit back and think about our actions and the thought process behind it and allow space to our children to grow at their own pace.

Star

A few days back:
Varsha: Mummy I made a mistake in maths. But we learn from making mistakes na? There were some children who got star in English. I did not get any star. Mummy, I was still happy because I know it does not matter. You love me anyway.

I knew she was feeling not so good about it and she was trying to work on it. Hopefully by allowing her to express her feelings and acknowledging it will help her to internalise it too one day.
They have a very funny system at school they give stars for keeping quiet and then when they meet the parents they say she is a very quiet girl and you need to encourage her to talk :-)

Shifu

Shifu is a cute little PUPPY
She came and stayed with us for a day,
She loved playing with varun and varsha,
But would bark when they fight with each other,
The children learnt it was not easy to take her out for a walk,
cos she would be running and they would be at the back of her,
When she went back we felt bad,
Cos' we really love her and it was very sad
We would love to have her once again,as she
loves us the way we are and does not want us to change.

Durga Puja in our Campus

Durga, in Sanskrit means "She who is incomprehensible or difficult to reach." Goddess Durga is a form of Sakti worshiped for her gracious as well as terrifying aspect. Mother of the Universe, she represents the infinite power of the universe and is a symbol of a female dynamism. The manifestation of Goddess Durga is said to emerge from Her formless essence and the two are inseparable.

She is also called by many other names, such as Parvati, Ambika, and Kali. In the form of Parvati, She is known as the divine spouse of Lord Shiva and is the mother of Her two sons, Ganesha and Karttikeya, and daughter Jyoti. Destroyer of demons, she is worshiped during an annual festival called Durga puja, especially popular among Bengalis.

Artisans from Calcutta come here to Bangalore and make the idol which is one piece of work and not different idols. We have Lord Ganesha on the left and Lord Karthikeyan on the right. We also have Lakshmi and Saraswati on both sides of Lord Durga.

Singing, dancing and distribution of sweets is a major part of the festival. All the Bengalis are dressed in their traditional dress (white and red sari for the ladies) for the puja. The khichidi they distribute is delicious.

Going into the pandal and looking at the Goddess gives one a sense of awe and wonderment. The whole atmosphere is charged.

The decoration on the Goddess and other Gods is the upper layer taken from sugarcane, it is eco-friendly and dissolves in the water.

The sad part of the festival comes when the time comes for Goddess Durga to be immersed. It is called 'bisorjon'. It is very interesting when the priest in a tray of water keeps a mirror and we can see the image of Goddess in it. It is basically that the immersion has happened and what is left is only the physical idol of the Goddess which is immersed in water later. I have seen the pain and tears in the eyes of the people who had got so much involved in the puja, they just could not watch the Goddess leaving though knowing well that she would return next year.

Navaratri in our campus

In Southern states of Tamil Nadu and to a lesser extent in Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, the festival of Navrathri is called Kolu or Navratri Golu, where women set up decorated planks in a corner of the house and decorating it with dolls which are collected over the years.
These Navratri dolls are arranged in several tiers. Maximum no of tiers in which dolls are arranged are 9 depending on time and space constraints.




There are also different kind of rangoli made which attract people to come to see the display. The dolls are kept in such a way that it comes down from the top from immortals to mortals. Gods,saints and mortals.



The display is usually for ten days but due to constraints of time nowadays it is kept for any of the three days during the ten days. Saraswati puja is celebrated on the ninth day when children and adults keep their books and other important things at the feet of the Goddess Saraswati and chandan and kumkum is applied on all the things in the house including the vehicles. Children take charge of this activity and enjoy doing it. Then tenth day is Vijayadashami when new activities are taken up, children start school etc.On the 10th night after the ceremonial arti and prayers, the dolls are put to ‘sleep.’ And the next day, the exhibits are packed carefully in cloth or paper and preserved for use the next year.

Competition..

Varun came home leaping with joy a few weeks back as he had got his maths results and he told me that he had got more than what he had got in the first cluster. He felt he had improved on himself and he seemed really happy with his performance. I felt a little relieved when i saw him working on himself rather than comparing himself to others.

I have these self doubts at times whether i am on the right track when i tell my children to look at themselves see what they can do, learn from others but not in competition with others. People tell me that there is competition all around and you cannot deny it and we have to push our children to compete to give them exposure to the real world, I keep telling myself that it is not the case. So, when i see that varun is able to look at his own work it reinforces my belief (don't know whether right or wrong) that competition with others is not necessary for motivation of self. The joy of doing something is good enough motivation.

School rules

Varsha came home the other day and said that she had to write an hindi worksheet at school. She told me that she knew which letters come after but gets confused with the letters which come before and especially with 'ch' and 'j'so she asked her friend clarified with her before writing.

I did not say anything so she looked at me and said, 'Mummy you only say na that if we do not know something we can take help from others'
I smiled and told her that it was ok with me but, as we follow some rules at home.. the school also has rules which we need to follow when we are at school. Their rule is that while doing worksheet we do whatever we know even if we are not sure of it.

She kept quiet for a minute and then said,'School is stupid' and ran off.

I don't know whether my response was appropriate or not and I am also not sure whether she will be able to differentiate the situations and adjust accordingly. I feel we can only make the children aware of different situations which are around us and at the same time not get into what is right or wrong.

A day at Thurahalli forest

Thurahalli


Observing the clouds


just relaxing


A beautiful overview


Up the rock

Enjoying at Gerry Martin Farm

GERRY MARTIN FARM

Responses..

Yesterday varsha wanted to make her own milk to drink. I was busy getting ready to go out so varun poured out the milk for her. She started putting bournvita into the glass and 'plop', I heard the sound. There was a cry,'Mummy, the milk is spilt'. I came to the kitchen and saw the milk spilt all over the counter so we got a cloth and wiped up the milk. Varsha looked dull and said,' I keep spilling everytime' I just told her,'These things happen'. She kept quiet and after five minutes said,'I want milk'. Varun poured her another cup of milk and she immediately took a spoon,put bournvita..held on to the glass mixed and drank it. She said,'Mistakes happen but it is allright, I can do it'. I could see now that children have the inherent confidence in themselves, the belief in themselves seems to decrease or suppressed due to an adult's response to a certain situation or action. If I had offered to do it for her, I would have sent her the message that she cannot do it and she would continue to have that belief that she cannot do such an such thing.
Our responses if come with awareness may help our children to believe in themselves and also believe that if mistakes happen they are able to accept and go forward from there.

Motivation..

Most of us as parents feel that we need to motivate our children. The other day a child came to me and spoke about her trip where she had gone for a trek with her mother and how she enjoyed herself. While talking she mentioned that her parents were kind off super humans who could do anything. I was interested when she said that and wanted to know more. She gave an example of how her father could swim real fast and whenever they were in the pool he would have a race with her and she would lose so she felt she was not good at swimming as she could not keep up with him.
Later, when i spoke to her mother I could understand a little more of what was happening. Both the parents are highly enthusiastic about what they do and to motivate their children tell them about their achievements and goals.
The only thing which was missing was the process of reaching the goal..the frustations, failures, the anxieties are not shared with the children.
What does this lead to? It leads to the child thinking that reaching the goal is the thing and the process to reach it gets lost and if they find the goal overwhelming they just give up.
Instead of the children getting motivated the children actually feel demotivated to try out things fearing failure and not being able to be able to reach the expectations of the parent though the parent's intention is to encourage.
The way i look at it the child needs to enjoy the journey towards the goal whether he actually attains it or not is totally a different thing. The motivation needs to be to enjoy the process of reaching the goal not the goal itself.

'who am I'

'Who am I?' this is a question we keep asking ourselves at times.Am i a mother, a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law and the list is endless. Do we need to identify with one of these roles at some point or the other in our lives. The other day one of my friends was very restless as she had left her children with her husband and she could not enjoy where she was as her mind was at home and she was kind off feeling guilty + a feeling that they would find it difficult without her. And i could not help but tell her that she existed independent of the people around her. She replied saying she knew but she could not help feeling that way. Is this because our self worth depends on others, a validation from people around us, a feeling that we are needed? Is it difficult to be just be..

Exposure

Varsha likes cycling and she likes it even more if i come with her so i also walk with her while she cycles(i also get some exercise), the other day i saw a child six years old struggling to carry a keyboard which was too big for him and his mother on the side urging him to hurry up as he was late for the class and as she saw the look of surprise on my face she said,'oh!he loves music'.The next day i saw the same child going for drawing class and the mother is looking for some other classes to put him for other days. I was really curious to know how much could the child take and for how long so i spoke to his mother and she had a pat answer for me,'it is our duty as a parent to give exposure to the child otherwise how will we know what he is good at' it was not a surprise as i too had fallen for this exposure thingy a few years back when we had just shifted to bangalore and first time in an apartment complex varun had to undergo the torture of going to different classes when he was in second standard but luckily it did not last long.
Have been thinking about this exposure thingy what is it? Sending the child at such a young age to different classes is exposure or exposing the child to different things like going for music concerts or listening to music at home, going to plays, theatres or dance programmes or going to art exhibitions and observing things around him and then develop an interest in learning a particular thing would make the whole process enjoyable and long lasting.

Expression

It is not surprising to note that as adults we have learnt to not be so spontaneous in doing things or even expressing our feelings or thoughts but how the conditioning happens from childhood is really interesting.
The other day during my activity class when we were making cookies even after taking many precautions varsha touched the oven and got burnt in the arm. She did not cry but I could see it was hurting badly so when I washed it with water and was applying ice, I kept telling her that it must be hurting and she looked at all the children around her and kept shaking her head, I just held her close and said,’it is hurting isn’t it?’ She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said,’mummy is it ok if I cry’, I was taken aback and I told her she could cry as much as she wanted and hugged her and she cried till she felt a little better. This left me thinking why would a child of six years hold on to her tears. It reminded me of an incident which happened a week earlier where I got hurt and when the children came running to me, I just brushed it aside and said I was ok when it was hurting badly so did I through my action give her the message that we cannot be spontaneous in our expression of our feeling. It may or may not be so but the schools are also doing it . The schools tell the children that they should not cry or they cannot express what they feel and if they do they are termed as sensitive children.
The same day varun(almost 11yrs) was excited with what the smaller children were doing and wanted to make cookies too and was jumping around with the other children. The smaller children kept looking at him in a funny way so he came up to me and said,’ why can’t I be a child once in a while , it makes me feel young and good’ and he went back to his jumping but it again got me thinking that all of us have a child in us but we are always told how to behave and we are chided if we bring out the child in us and why should a ten year old feel that he is too old to show his enjoyment the way he wants or feels. As adults we need to be more aware and let the child in us come out and also allow our children to be themselves rather than zombies who cannot show any emotions or feelings and think hundred times before they say or do something.
It is sad that on one side there are children who due to unfortunate circumstances are not able to express themselves and on the other side we are suppressing the natural expression of a child.

Holidays..

EXPLORING,DOING AND JUST CHILLING OUT!

Chingara (Honey Valley) trip..

We had decided long time back that we were going for a holiday but we had not planned it properly so it was the last minute trying to get reservations and it was the first week of May and all the places were booked but our perseverance paid off and we finally managed to get a booking in the Chingara homestay at coorg. The only thing which troubled me was that we could go only to one place in our vehicle and from there we had to go in their jeep and it was totally in the forest. I was not sure what to expect. We started on 1st of May and went to Mysore and visited the Mysore Zoo and the Chamundi Hills. Children enjoyed the zoo and we had a few discussions on why do we keep animals in cages and how would we feel if we were kept in captivity. We enjoyed watching one Giraffe which was in a totally meditative mood. The next day we started around 8am towards Chingara.
We travelled via Virajpet the roads were nice ..though in some places the roads were not great but the journey was comfortable and after four hours of travel we reached the Kabinakad junction where we had to park the car and wait for the jeep. We were promptly received by a smiling, pleasant Padmanabhan who took us in the jeep uphill to Chingara. It was a bumpy ride but seeing the forest around us was very exciting. Children were jumping with joy as they found it very thrilling.
Chingara is awesome surrounded by the coffee plantation and trees a really wonderful retreat.
Sharad the proprietor received us and showed us our room which was neat, clean and with basic facilities. There is no electricity there only generator so power has to be used judiciously. As soon as we reached it started raining and watching the rain falling all around us on the trees was such a beautiful sight.
The children were a little jumpy as the place is rich with bugs and insects of all types and sizes.When the rain lessened up after lunch we trekked up to the honey valley homestay.. it was an interesting walk. Varsha managed to get a leech into her shoe.
After coming back to the room we again had some leech encounters, saw lot of different kinds of beetles and spiders ..the children were a little scared but excited at the same time. It was fun. We would love to go back there again..it was such a wonderful experience ..was a home away from home.

Bottle Numbered 1

Varun while eating his lunch the other day suddenly said,'Ma our body is like the coca-cola bottle which has number 1 written under it(these bottles are not for use like other plastic bottles which can be used again and again)... use and throw, once we die the soul leaves the body and that is the end of the body just like the bottle once we drink the coke we have to throw the bottle and cannot use it again.'
It really surprised me to hear him talk like that and i wanted to understand where did this thinking come from and i asked him. His answer was very simple," I was thinking about the book 'The Deathly Hallows' in which Harry Potter looks at the shell of Voldemort and then it suddenly came to me that our body is just a shell and it can be used only once."
I was amazed that a ten year old could analyse, connect things and put it across in such a simple way.

Children..

Laughter, cries, screams,
All through the day,
Quiet in the night,
Asleep in their beds








www.onesolution.in

One of those days..

Today is one of those days,
Nothing is going my way,
It makes me think is it a bad day?
or just one of those days!

Whatever i say seems silly,
Whatever i do is awkward,
Is it a bad day?
or just one of those days

I am telling myself this will pass,
Tommorrow will be different not like today,
It is not a bad day, it is just one of those days!

Holidays..

Holidays are on and children are at home. It is fun, crazy, relaxed and spending time together. Doing nothing but doing things together.

Emotions

The counsellor was talking about how children should be allowed to express emotions and when she had spoken to the seventh standard boys they were surprised when she told them that it was allright to cry when they felt like as they had grown up thinking that boys should not cry. It reminded me of the incident which happened with varun when he was in fourth standard. In the class one day he cried because he felt that something he had made had not come out the way he wanted. The teacher (the same one who was the spokesperson) when we met her in the Parent teacher meet the first sentence she spoke was,'are you putting any pressure on your child?' 'varun needs to be strong he cannot be so sensitive and should not express himself in this way.. the child should know how to control his emotions etc etc..
She came on to us in such an aggressive manner that we also put our foot down and told her not to be judgemental and if he had expressed himself his feelings should have been dealt which of course had not been done. After that she actually apologised and did not talk about varun like that again atleast till now.
But it has left me wondering on one side the counsellor stresses on the expression of emotions and on the other hand the teachers are doing the opposite to the children..where lies the problem?..not enough awareness to the teachers or unwillingness to learn or lack of understanding that they have the power in them which can make or break a child from within.

Images..

I had gone for a parent counselling meet to my children's school last saturday. The counsellor was talking about different tools they were using in school and she mentioned teamwork as one of the tools used for social skills. The teachers decides the groups and the topic is given to them..now it is assumed out here that the children know how to work as a team and there is basically no follow up after the activity for the children to understand how they worked as a team. The focus is on the end product and that's it. I put up this point and wanted the school to focus on the process of working as a team and not on the end product. I received very defensive reactions to it. The Principal asked the teachers what they are doing now and whether they have thought about this? One of the teachers who was supposedly the spokesperson for all the teachers present there started explaining what great work they are doing with children and as teachers they knew what is best for children etc etc which i realised had nothing to do with what i said. The principal and the counsellor intervened to make her understand that we were talking about the process. The teacher was still not listening and then she said something which got to me. Her exact words,'As a teacher i know about the children and when i give them any kind of work as a group i make sure that the group is properly divided, i don't want to say this but i put an intelligent child with an average child so that the group is balanced and the work can be done'.
I just did not like what she said and i kind of lost my cool for that minute and told her in not so many words that if as a facilitator she has already made assumptions about the children how can i as a parent expect that my child is treated fairly at school and i also told her that she needs to open her mind when she is working with children. The Principal intervened fearing a major argument and brought the teamwork issue into proper perspective and said that they would work on that.
But what the teacher said has left me with a very unpleasant feeling. Is that one of her images and it was something which she said but did not believe in it or is it that she really believes in what she said.
If it is something which she believes and thinks that she is right about what she thinks of a child what damage would it cause to the children ..those who are not thought to be capable and also those who are thoguht to be capable ..would they be able to come out of these boxes in which they have been put????

There is another way..

At times i have wondered if the way we talk and the language we use at home actually works with the children and also worry as to how my child who is not used to a certain way of talking will adjust to the outside world which is very harsh at times. The other day varsha was reading an english reader for class 1 and suddenly she called me to show something. She showed me a picture where the parents were waking up their daughter saying,'wake up, wake up, you lazy girl'. She looked at me and asked why are they waking her up like that? So i asked how do you like to be woken up and she said that we just needed to call her name and tell her to get up as it was time. After few minutes she said,'we don't talk like this but some people talk like this' and continued reading the chapter.

Problem..no problem

Yesterday when i was talking to varun he suddenly said,'I have a problem'. I said,'ok' and he continued,'I don't know what to do' just a hmm from my side. He said his friend Sanjan wanted to lend him his DS(VIDEO GAME) for playing and he had told him he did not want to take it but his friend was forcing him to take it. He waited for me to respond but i did not say anything, after a pause i just said,'it is very difficult to force someone to do something they don't want to do' maybe it was not necessary but i said it and kept quiet. After a minute he said,' I know what i am going to do i will tell him that i will take it from him when our holidays start and not now'
This conversation ended there..i realised he just needed to tell what was in his mind aloud and he figured out for himself what to do and i just needed to listen.

Lock you in..

One of my friends had come home with her two year old daughter and we were just talking when her daughter started crying so varsha came over and told my friend,'tell her that thing' i did not know what she wanted her to tell but my friend seemed to know and she just smiled. Varsha kept repeating,'aunty tell her that thing'. I got curious and gave my friend a questioning look, she started laughing and told me that once earlier when varsha was playing at her house she had told her child that she would lock her up in the toilet if she did not listen to her and varsha had a shocked look on her face and that was what she was talking about.
Later in the night when i was casually talking to varsha about that she looked at me and said,'aunty would really not do that would she?'' she was fooling na?'so i asked her how would she feel if i told her that..she thought for a while smiled and said,'you will not say that, you are fooling' and we did not talk anymore about it.

snakes and ladders..

Whenever we play snakes and ladders in the middle of the game varsha gets angry and starts crying when she has to come down the snake and then we are not able to finish the game. So, the other day i decided that we would play this game differently. I set a time say five minutes and we both have to reach home before that five minutes is up or we have to start all over again. The first time she was not that enthusiastic as her mind was used to the old rules of who reaches first but slowly she got involved in the game and we realised that it was much more fun helping each other and reaching home within the time set.
She taught the game to varun and her father and we had fun playing it in the cooperative way. It would be great if these toys when come to the market instead of having the usual rules of winner/loser can give such ideas where the game becomes more fun.

Facilitation Part 2

In the timbaktu conference there was a workshop on learning which made me ponder more on facilitation. The workshop started with division of the participants in groups and we were asked to write down two things which we have learnt in our life and how did we learn it and what helped us to learn it. It was easy we all wrote down what we had learnt and came up with some common things which helped us learn it. Then the facilitator of the workshop started writing down what each group had to say. During that I noticed that when one participant said a word the facilitator put her own words and completed it and said ‘’ isn’t that what you wanted to say?’’ It was like she had that in mind and she was getting what she wanted from us and the whole process seemed guided.
In the next activity each group was given a different case sheet which related to learning in some way. The example which we got was a classroom setting where the children are doing some fill in the blanks maths sums. What we needed to do was to find where learning was happening, how it was happening and make a note of it on a sheet which was to be put up for everyone to see. We did go through the activity where one of us felt that the example was not complete so coming to such conclusions was not possible..but we still managed to complete the activity and when we went through what the other groups had written about their case studies we realised that all of us had come up with the same thing as that was what the facilitators wanted us to see or understand about learning. It was strange but there was a feeling that we had reached a conclusion what the facilitators wanted from us. Instead of telling us directly they used the cases which was convenient for them and made us think in the way they wanted. It has really made me question as to what is facilitation. Do I actually give freedom for children to think or they do the thinking in such a way that it is convenient for me. Instead of the traditional method of rote or direct teaching I am still teaching but in a way without hurting their self esteem basically in a nicer way :-)

Confusing thoughts..

The other day I was watching a cricket match in which SA were trying to save the match with one wicket left and you could hear the commentators telling how great it would be if they could pull it off as there was still twenty minutes to go. The Indian bowler managed to get the batsmen out and there was a jump of joy but what followed it was what caught my eye:Where the commentators were praising the batsmen for his courage to stand up there it changed to what a win for India in matter of seconds; India is still No.1 was displayed on all the news channels; The bowler not only jumped with joy but the bowler showed his joy by making a face and expressed himself in an aggressive way.
It made me think was such aggressive expression necessary? What is this No.1 obsession? Why do we need to have the concept of winning and losing? These thoughts have been really troubling me a lot.
The other day varsha made up a game and when I was not able to do the needful she said ,’’ you are a loser’’ I was surprised as this vocabulary is not used by us at home then where is she getting this from.
I saw a reality show where talented singers are pitted against each other and there was a scene where one of them is shouting, crying and cursing others. We keep telling our children to take failures in their stride but we see adults expressing themselves in a violent manner but when the children cry if they are not happy we brand them as being sensitive and not being able to take things in a positive way etc. There are two absolutely contradictory situations. Why do people need to compete with each other to prove who is the best among them? Is it because we have got so used to this concept that we can find thrill and enjoyment when people are fighting with one another to decide who is No.1.
If we consider each individual an entity on his own then why are we doing this to ourselves comparing, criticizing instead of acknowledging and giving space to each other. Is it idealism to think in this way. I don’t know. When we compete our intention is to be one up on the other person so does this give rise to aggressive expression in us.
When I look around me I think most of the competition we see around us is artificially created. The very common contention is that competition is inherent in human beings which I am not able to agree with. Competition comes into play when I create it.
If in a classroom while dealing with five year olds I give a star to one child for answering a question I am telling the rest of the class that you don’t know what he knows and I create competition instead of asking the child to share where he got the information from so that others can also benefit we single out the child without realizing what effect it has on others. While trying to motivate one child we are demotivating the rest of the children.
I am unable to understand the logic of competitions in every walk of our lives. It starts from a baby entering a contest and getting prizes for silky hair and chubby cheeks. It hurts me when people say that a child needs to compete from a young age so it helps him to cope with the societal pressures later on..i am really not sure if it does that i think it actually demotivates a child and the child may stop trying after losing a few times.
I think we need to really introspect as a community as a society as to what we are doing and what is our objective. Why is cooperation and just doing things for the joy of doing it not there? Why should there be a winner and a loser all the time? Is the world not big enough for people to have a space of their own and be happy in that space?
Lots of confused thoughts and will keep writing more….

Love..

When I came into this world,
I was scared and confused,
Everything looked bright in this world Then I saw faces over me,
They smiled looking at me,
Voices said, we are your father and mother,
And you are our sweetheart so do not fear,
We are there for you dear,
I did not know what they meant,
But I know they meant well I never looked back since then,
Have had all the love and affection from them,
And I could not have asked more from them
When I had children of my own,
I held them tight,
Told them I love them,
I will give them all the love I can,
And hope when they grows up and have a family of their own,
They share happiness and love with them,
Because Love is something very strong,
It can make you do things right or wrong,
It can bind or break hearts,
Love grows only when it is shared.

God chooses..

The other day varun, varsha and her friend Krishna were sitting and having breakfast and they were talking and suddenly i heard the topic had gone to God, dying etc. This is the conversation I heard:

Varsha: You know when we will grow old and die we will be born again as baby and then again we will grow..it is very simple.

Krishna: No..when we die and go to God he will put us into a box and decide what he should do with us and then send us down again.

Varun: No ..Krishna when we die God sees all that we have done..if we do nice and good things he will not send us down and we can stay with him but if we do not do nice things he can send us down in any form..he can even make us a rock.

Varsha: Wow! that is amazing na!

and the conversation ended there..was thinking where did they get all this from definitely not from me :-)

star thingy update..

There seems to have been some effect of the letter(assuming that is one of the reasons) the star mania has come down drastically..varsha is not as crazy about the stars as she was earlier ..though it has not stopped completely..hoping it will..
hip hip hooray!

Facilitation..part 1

what is facilitation? after coming back from timbaktu i am really asking myself this question. There was one session on shared fractions which i found really impressive. This teacher taught his children using shared fractions. It was not the content but the teacher's interest in his children which amazed me as he was able to find out the level of a child by observing how the child had done a certain thing. Coming back to facilitation the teacher came to a point where the children understood that they were dividing a number of objects equally to some number of children and the next step was to introduce them to the sign of division, so the teacher told them that he did not know and asked them to find out and come up with what sign needs to be put there.
The next day the children came up with the sign of division asking locals, then the question was where to place the sign between the numbers, on the left side of the numbers or on the right side of the numbers, in the end after the teacher asked them several questions came up with the sign being in the middle and the teacher was happy that the children got it..here i thought it was so cool the children coming up with stuff on their own but my bubble burst when someone asked me did the children come up with the sign of division on their own and i said they found out from others but he said no the sign already exists isn't it ..i said yes but the children took effort to find it ..the second thing he told me confused me ..he said there is a language where the division sign comes in the front of the numbers etc and these are conventions which are already there so what is the need to go all round it and also the fact that the teacher would have gone on till they came to the right answer(or so as to say what he wanted them to come to) so as far as the facilitation is concerned with regard to the division sign it is totally guided by the facilitator in the guise of making the child think which he thought was not necessary. My contention is though it is guided there is a possibility for the children to understand it much better as they went through the process of thinking and finding out for themselves. It is also making me think whether this type of facilitation actually helping children or are we somewhere disguising our objectives under the blanket of making them think till they get it right..hmm..

talk about now..

I was talking to varsha about something she had done and she tells me 'mummy don't talk about what has happened, talk about now'.

Earn stars..

In varsha's school there is a lot of emphasis on giving stars ..they give for eating fast, writing fast ..the list goes on and on so i wrote a letter to the counsellor letting her know my thoughts about the star thingy. During the counselling session the counsellor mentioned that stars need to be earned and should not be given just like that. Now, what is the need for me to earn stars and who determines whether i deserve stars or not ..what is good enough .. who should i satisfy to get the stars and where has learning placed in all this. All these questions come to my mind but could not ask as i was not there in the session(was in geniekids)..

more on this later







www.onesolution.in

vocabulary

The day before varsha was out the whole day playing in the park. She would come eat and then immediately go down. In the evening around 6pm when she came back i told her that she needed to stay at home. She got angry with me and i told her very firmly that she cannot go out and play. She looks at me and says'You are being aggressive with me' and i told her well! i am choosing to be and she replies 'ok, i am also choosing to be aggresive right now'. I could not help but smile at the same time thinking that she is just 5yrs now but what would happen when she grows up..hmmhmm will keep posting..








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Small joys in life

My children suddenly came and hugged me, They said, “I love you mommy”
They made me realize, What a fool I had been,
All these days I had not seen
Small things in life give us so much of joy,
This I had to learn from my little joys,
It gives me pleasure to watch them grow,
All the things they do makes me raise my brow,
This joy I get from them, Is nothing I can compare to,
I looked out of the window,
Saw the sun shining bright,
Could hear the birds chirping,
And saw the flowers blooming,
How many days had it been Since I felt the joy at what I was looking,
We get so busy with our lives, We forget the purpose in our lives,
The joy we get from being together,
Smiling and laughing together,
The pleasure of sharing things together,
Can never be forgotten in any kind of weather
I learnt a big lesson today,
To take life as it comes each day,
To take pleasure in small things in life
And to tell my loved ones that I love them everyday.


http://www.onesolution.in/

ANGER

In today’s world where emotions run high,
Anger is an emotion very difficult to hide,
People say it is due to strain and stress,
It can occur when our mind and body works without rest Anger can be an annoyance or a rage,
It does not have any thing to do with our age,
Anger uncontrolled can be really bad,
The results of which are very sad,
Anger causes lot of hurt and pain,
It ends, by putting us to shame
A certain amount of anger is necessary for our survival,
But it should not become a threat for our survival
All problems cannot have solutions,
We just have to look around for options
Anger can turn destructive
We have to try to channel into something constructive,
To control we need to deeply breathe, Count till hundred to anger soothe,
If it does not work, look the other way
But let not anger with you play
It is very difficult to follow the golden rule,
To not to get angry but to be cool,
To be happy we have to try time after time,
And we try to make it work every time.


One solution for apartment complexes: http://www.onesolution.in/

what is a poem?

A poem is a long road,
Where words and thoughts are explored,
It takes us anywhere we want to go,
Poems are thoughts expressed,
Thoughts closest to our hearts,
A poem may be a couplet, it may be terecets,
It can also be a ballad stanza, And it can be a free verse,
Like the flowing waters in the rivers, a poem can make sense or be nonsense,
It can make us laugh and also bring a tear in our eye,
It can make matters sink, which makes us think,
A poem can be long or short or a story of sorts,
It can be simple and straight,
To be understood in its essence great,
Long or short, laugh or cry, poems keep us alive,
It need not rhyme, but in time, if it is understood it is fine,
Poems are the best so just go ahead ..you know the rest!